Summer For Dummies

On June 22, I witnessed it all over again. I gripped the banister as tightly as I could, though my cold and clammy hands made it difficult to hang on. Sounds of excited children screeching and yelping engulfed my quivering eardrums as I swallowed hard and glanced one last time at one of my guardian angels—our school bus driver, honking and waving “Have a great summer—see you in September!” The ten weeks of summer vacation had arrived yet again—“bring it on” I bravely shuddered!

Spoil sport you say? Heavens no—a realist is more like it. I mean, how many years have families been doing this summer vacation thing? Seems like since dinosaurs roamed the earth for some, but I suppose it only feels that way because so many of us have this inbred gene that tells us our children simply must be entertained the moment they step foot off that bus until Labor Day graces our calendars.

Now, I certainly don’t want to speak for the rest of you because believe me, I have plenty of friends who start counting down the last days of school somewhere around Christmas. “Can’t wait until my babies are home with me every day. We always have so much fun together,” chime my friends with nannies! Please don’t misunderstand me, I have oodles of fun with my eight kids too, but let me be honest, sometimes it takes a little work.

So, in order to stave off any unnecessary moments of angst when one of my darlings realizes they are not part of a three-ring circus for the summer I did the only logical thing—joined the wine of the month club and then headed to my favorite place to think and get creative—the bookstore. Don’t worry, I didn’t bring a bottle of merlot along with me, the smell of crisp new pages just waiting to be discovered is always enough to relax me in an instant. No sooner did I find a quiet little nook to sit and think, there it was in glorious yellow and black—the answer to this year’s vacation entertainment—Summer for Dummies, written by One Smart Parent.

In case you’ve never laid eyes on the Dummy series, you’ll be happy to know that the publisher does not ever intend to make the reader feel like a stupid head! For Dummies is an extensive series of instructional books which are intended to present non-intimidating guides for readers new to the various topics covered. Everything from cooking to learning a foreign language are covered--literally dozens of books on virtually everything are in their series, so why not one on navigating the waters of a family-filled summer?

After briefly skimming the table of contents, I knew I had a winner. This author had done her homework and was now passing along her words of wisdom to the rest of us. Here are a few brief passages:

Chapter One: Summer Forecast—Bright and Sunny—Lighten Up! Where is it written in seashells that we have to schedule our kids’ entire summer vacation? Only in our minds, that’s where. Summer days were meant to be easy, breezy and lazy, not loaded from dawn to dusk with lessons, play dates and other kid-centered entertainment. Of course that doesn’t mean we won’t plan some special events while they’re out of school, but there is nothing wrong with allowing children to create their own adventures as well. (See what I mean, great stuff!)

Chapter Two: Vacations are like sandcastles—when your plans come crumbling down, grab your pail and shovel and build something better! Easier said than done perhaps, but let’s face it, not all our summer days are going to be peachy keen, beach days. Rainy and non-eventful days present awesome opportunities for baking yummy cookies, building forts out of boxes, hanging out in PJs and watching funny movies, or dare it be suggested—organizing their bedrooms after a full year of school clutter creeps in. These can be some of our kid’s favorite summer memories, so never be disappointed when a given day suggests you start digging a new hole. (Love it!)

Chapter Three: If something has to melt, let it be your popsicle! Ah, yes—those sticky moments during vacation—usually the second week of August when we’ve all had enough of summer’s carefree days and we really don’t care to spend another moment together. This is the perfect time to grab a frozen delight (or that wine of the month) and remember that these times are completely normal and only temporary. Believe it or not, there will come a time (when we are retired and aching to have them driving us crazy again) that it will seem like no big deal little Freddy used sidewalk chalk to draw on the dining room walls instead of the driveway. Stay cool! (I couldn’t agree more!)

OK, so there really is no such thing as Summer for Dummies but just because the school bus would not be back in our neighborhood for two more months was no reason to panic. Families have the power to set their own expectations for the flavor they wish their summer to have. This year, I’m hoping to taste a vacation that is a lot less loaded and a lot more laid back—to me, there’s nothing dumb about that!

Happy New Year Stranger!

(My Column from the NK Villager/EG Magazine)

Her visit during the holidays took me completely by surprise. My husband, trying to help preserve the last remnants of my sanity, took the kids to visit his parents where the eight of them would carefully and patiently (ha ha) help to decorate their Christmas tree. Not able to recognize the sound of peaceful stillness, my body started to twitch a bit each time I tried to snuggle up on the empty couch with my book. That’s when my unexpected guest arrived, precisely as I was flipping pages and nodding off simultaneously.

I invited her into my home and she smiled as her cashmere sweater gently brushed against the fresh pine wreath that hung on my front door. “Ahhh, smells great in here…………did you just bake a pie,” she asks? “Be careful on that terrazzo tile, I’ve just washed and waxed,” I caution. “Tell me, how do you keep your entry way so pristine looking and so darn organized--I mean, I could just live right here in this room?” she gushed.

Before I can answer, she’s wandered straight into my living room and is stroking my extra plump chenille pillows. Her eyes dart straight to my mantle where I’ve artfully displayed several paintings--the soft glow of candlelight framing them perfectly. Next, she looks me over from head to toe and gleefully gives me a tight squeeze. We used to be inseparable, but haven’t seen one another in nearly 15 years right about the time I became a mother.

With so much to catch up on we head straight to the kitchen where I debate between offering her a mug of hot steaming tea or pouring us each a large glass of Merlot. The Merlot wins hands down, so we pull up a stool to my sleek, clean island that has nothing but a delightfully decorated miniature Christmas tree on it and we then toast our reunion.

“You still look the same,” she smiled. “Oh stop! We both know I’ve put on a few pounds during the past decade and surely you’ve noticed a few more laugh lines on this here face of mine,” I replied. “But you on the other hand are timeless. Your smile is still as carefree as ever and it’s obvious that you’ve kept up with your exercise routine all these years,” I sing back. With our pleasantries now exchanged, she slowly enjoys the fine wine we are sharing and asks, “Remember how we would sit on the beach and plan our futures—our careers, who we would marry, how many kids we would have, what our dream homes would look like,” she asked? I sigh and nod. “However did we become such strangers so quickly? “ asks my long-lost friend.

I sit and just stare at her. Her presence is very calming and I wonder, too, where she has disappeared to for all these years and what has prompted her return right before the New Year?

I begin to look back on the past 15 years and smile and say nothing--instead I direct her to the family portrait we have hanging outside our Living Room taken nearly three year’s ago before our eighth child was born. Even though I’ve kept a long-distance relationship with her over time, I thought she’d like to see with her lovely brown eyes what I spend most of my time doing—raising a family. The handsome guy in that portrait is my husband of 20 years, and no, not the guy I thought I’d marry when we would sit on the beach and throw Cheetos to the seagulls and discuss such dreamy matters. I met him on my 21st birthday when he had his teeth cleaned in the dental practice I worked in for 15 years, another change in course from the career I had planned for myself in the hot summer sun—that of a school teacher. Funny enough, with eight kids (my plans called for three!) I guess I got my own classroom after all.

She gives me a swift elbow to the ribs and begins to laugh. As she does I look over at my kitchen island and realize I can barely see the top of it because it’s piled high with family stuff and the box of that fine vino we were drinking is right in the center. I sense she wants to ask me something else but she’s now poking around by the mantle and straightening my collection of broken nutcrackers that are hiding the crookedly framed school photos that desperately need to be updated. And why are those plump chenille pillows now looking a bit frayed and tired? The prodding continues until my neck jerks upright and I see my 5-year old staring at me and yelling, “Mom, we’re home!”

I search the room for my friend but she’s gone again. Instead, my husband has returned with our brood and they are all anxious to tell me about their visit to Grandma’s. My book has since dropped to the floor and somehow made it’s way down the stairs into that stunning entryway of mine that is laden with shoes, mismatched socks and even somebody’s toothbrush. I am now completely awake in my dream house—the home I share with my family, and realize that I will never see that girl again, the person I was before I had kids, but I am not sad. A part of me will still always be her no matter where I’m at in life, and I can think of no better time than the start of a new year to reminisce on my leisurely past but to stay focused on the here and now with great anticipation of all the new experiences my friend and I will reflect on in another 15 years.