Pregnant Women Don't Eat Cabbage, Kate Phillips

NK VILLAGER COVER STORY (April 2010) THAT KATE PHILLIPS FROM NK VILLAGER WROTE ABOUT MY BOOK!

Write what you know is a well-known adage for authors. Following that advice led Cheryl L. Butler, proud mother of eight, to pen her first book, Pregnant Women Don’t Eat Cabbage and Other Words of Wisdom for Expecting Mothers. Who would know better?
“I always loved to write,” says Cheryl, familiar to many residents as the NK Villager’s Family Zone columnist. “I kept journals and made up stories, but the idea of being an author really interested me when my husband, Brian, and I had six children with the seventh on the way.”
Cheryl pulled off this amazing feat after her eighth child was born thanks to Brian spending every Saturday for 18 months with the children while she went to the library or her mom’s house to work on her book. “Brian has been my biggest cheerleader,” states Cheryl. “He gave me the time to do this.”
Before her book, Cheryl started out her career as a published writer with an essay in the Providence Journal entitled “Yes, We Have Seven Children and We Are Proud of It.” Butler wrote this piece in response to the numerous times she has been asked if all the children are hers or from a blended family.
“I wanted to make the point that families come in all sizes,” notes Butler. “Before the children, Brian and I were a family.”
Before the children, Brian and Cheryl had quite a journey to become a family of 10. They met on Cheryl’s 21st birthday at the dentist’s office where she worked. They were married two years later. Cheryl, the oldest of five, and Brian, the youngest of four, together decided to have three children.
“That was the plan, but it wasn’t that easy,” says Cheryl. “After nothing happened for a year, I went to see Dr. Jaffe to find out what was wrong. After six years and three miscarriages, Brian and I decided to adopt.
“It was supposed to take about two years for us to welcome a child into our family, but our scrapbook for birth mothers was sent out early by mistake and we were chosen to receive a baby due in only a week,” explains Cheryl. “We made plans to fly out to Colorado to be there for the birth, but our daughter, Brittany, was born an hour before we got on the plane. The airline bumped us up to first class. It was a nice celebration. When we arrived, Brittany was a beautiful baby waiting for us at the hospital.”
Cheryl had been undergoing fertility treatments before the adoption. After the adoption, she was informed that she was eligible for one more treatment. One year to the day that she brought Brittany home, Cheryl gave birth to a son, Connor. When he was three months old, she became pregnant with daughter Casey. About a year later, Austin made his appearance and the Butlers decided their family was complete.
“When Austin was four, we decided to have one more though Brian thought it was a bit crazy,” says Cheryl. “So our son, Cameron, was born; and a year after that we had Brendan for a playmate. The last two, Brady and Annie, were very pleasant surprises. Annie was born when Brittany was 12.”
After seven deliveries, Cheryl certainly knows a lot about being pregnant. However, she wished she had been given additional information to help with the more humorous and embarrassing moments of pregnancy. This is the information she includes in Pregnant Women Don’t Eat Cabbage.
“While pregnant with Annie, I started thinking about this book—to relate how scary a first pregnancy was and all the things you really are not prepared for,” says Cheryl. “I just wanted to share this information with other women. This is not a medical book. It’s a whimsical look at pregnancy.”
With chapters like “Try, Try Again—Trying to Conceive;” “When You Lose Sight of the Floor, Do Not Lose Sight of Your Humor;” “Are We Having Fundus Yet? The Joy of Afterbirth;” and “Will I Ever Walk Again? Getting Up and Around After the Stork Arrives” the humor shines through. The title chapter, “Pregnant Women Don’t Eat Cabbage! A Few Things to Keep in Mind Shortly Before Your Due Date,” will both educate and shock readers, but it is important information.
“I was a modest prude,” explains Cheryl. “I never thought I would write about any of the things I went through, but newly pregnant women need to know there is a funny side to it—and to be open-minded about the embarrassment. Pregnancy and birth are not like a fairytale, not a Disney moment.
“The book is a light, carefree, but honest look at pregnancy, nothing horrible. There is a lot of humor,” continues Cheryl. “I learned a lot along the way. For instance, even when you think you know about something, like delivery, you can be surprised. Every one of my deliveries was different including labor which was long—from 12-20 hours.”
Cheryl labored long and hard on her book, too. “After I finished writing on Saturdays for 18 months, I sent the book to six places. I picked small publishers as I thought I would have better odds getting published there. Within three months, I heard back from three of them, and two said yes!”
Once the book was accepted, the next step was signing a contract and getting assigned an editor and a graphic arts person that would design the cover. “My editor, Loretta, was wonderful,” says Cheryl. “The publisher wanted to keep my ‘voice’ just as it was so Loretta made a few minor suggestions for some of the chapters, but otherwise, it was basically as I had written it.
“I had chosen the title over four years ago because when I got pregnant with Annie, I knew I didn't want to repeat what had happened with a Ruben Sandwich before I had my sixth child, Brendan,” shares Cheryl. “I joked one day with Amy, one of my girlfriends, and said something silly like ‘Having done this six times already, I know what I won't be eating within a month of delivery...cabbage!’ And there it was: I said ‘Pregnant Women Don't Eat Cabbage’ and a book was born.”
Writing a book is one thing, promoting it is another thing entirely. “It is nearly a full time job to market a book, unless you're a New York Times bestselling author,” says Cheryl. “I was realistic from day one, but am enjoying reaching out to places that are not only baby-related, but to women in general--even if they have never had a baby.
“I hope to reach out to women everywhere that have an appreciation of their bodies and what those bodies do to carry a pregnancy and then deliver a baby! Remember, I adopted my first baby. I had such a sense of appreciation and awe for our birth mother for what she went through to have our daughter. Even when I was struggling with infertility, I couldn't help myself and would read books on pregnancy just to see what it might be like,” notes Cheryl.
“My book is a fun, easy-breezy read. I hope it will find its way into many women's libraries and will be shared amongst girlfriends and family members experiencing the awesome journey of pregnancy,” says Cheryl. “And there is plenty in the book to keep the fathers-to-be chuckling as well. Pregnancy is life changing for men, too!
“Brian and I never dreamed we'd be the parents of eight children ranging in age from five to seventeen,” states Cheryl. “My family is my first passion. Writing is my second. And as crazy as things get, I cannot imagine surviving without a good sense of humor. It's truly my most prized asset, and has helped me through infertility, adoption, changing thousands of dirty diapers, and is now nudging me through the teenage years. I hope to never leave home without it!”
Combining her love of family and writing along with her sense of humor all led to Pregnant Women Don’t Eat Cabbage and Other Words of Wisdom for Expecting Mothers which was officially released on February 25th, and is available at the NK Free Library and other libraries in the state, amazon.com, publishamerica.com as well as What’s Kicking, a place where the whole family can enjoy seeing a 3D sonogram, on Post Road. By late spring, it should be available in local bookstores and gift stores that carry baby items.

Cheryl L. Butler has two more books in the works—both family/humor oriented which are expected to be released in 2011 and 2012.

Living In The Motherhood Moment

(My Column in April's NK Villager and EG Magazine)

“Mom! Mom, you’re not listening to me” my daughter prattled on while I stood in the dressing room holding two armloads of bikinis and springy ensembles that in total held less fabric weight than the single outfit I was wearing that moment. Oh, the agony of fashion shopping with a teen girl! Nope, I didn’t hear a single vowel she uttered, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t interested in learning more about why pre-calculus was ruining her life or how learning to drive in my minivan might leave her with permanent emotional scars. I was too busy contemplating if I should dare to give artichokes a whirl again this Easter, wondering when the mealy moths in our pantry would ever disappear, and daydreaming about which decade it was that I actually enjoyed trying on a bathing suit that didn’t have built in support or a skirt attached.

What a shame that I had just robbed myself of 15 carefree moments to kibitz with my daughter and simply enjoy the experience of watching her try on napkins, I mean two-piece bathing suits, all while she opened up about her complicated 17-year old lifestyle. Worse, she called me on it! Clearly it was time for me to get on board with today’s self-help gurus and stop being so distracted by life but instead try living in the moment!

I did a little research and found that living in the moment means you are totally immersed in an experience and therefore should reap far more happiness from your everyday life. I once read--the past is history, the future is a mystery, and the only time we really have is now - just this moment. So as not to ever miss out on important bonding moments like I did when my daughter asked me if I preferred tassels or fringe on those cute shorts she was trying on, I decided I would try to live in the second, never mind the moment, as often as I could.

I turned in early the night before so that I would be well rested and full of vim and vigor for my first full-fledged day of “Living in the Moment”. The alarm went off at precisely 5:45 AM, and
I searched the nightstand for my glasses but instead knocked over my glass of water. That was so not the plan, so I allowed myself a little groan and then scurried to the bathroom to grab a towel before the spill ruined one of my only guilty pleasures, my latest edition of Soap Opera Digest—hey, if anyone knows how to live in the moment, it’s my friends from Days of Our Lives. They never work or seem to have any trouble finding invisible caregivers to watch their children so they can relax, putter around their beautifully decorated penthouses, or dine out 7 day’s a week, not once fretting over a negative balance in their checkbooks—these are my kind of people!

Breakfast is served and instead of shuffling through six boxes of cereal, I decide I will stop, look lovingly into all my children’s half-opened eyes and ask them how they slept and if they would like to have cereal or something hot and delicious instead. The confused looks on their faces told me all I needed to know—Mom must be really ill, hot and delicious on a school morning means rinsing off the hardened food particles leftover from last evening’s silverware with boiling water.

Bus departures begin at 6:40 AM in our homestead, so instead of cackling half-minded “the bus just went down the street” to my high schoolers, I gently tapped on their bedroom doors and quietly made the announcement and just relished the harried moments I observed as they snatched backpacks, iPods and hoodies, while treasuring those snarky comments they made under their breath—something I usually do from three rooms away. Ah, soaking in the moment—what a beautiful thing!

The rest of the day unfolded with much of the same. I tried to be alert in nearly every waking moment. From consciously noting the involuntary twitching of my upper body as the dog barked nonstop at the UPS man to the gentle creaking of my bones as I sat perched in the family room scrubbing the freshly ground backyard mud out of the carpet, I was temporarily able to push my to do lists and often intense thoughts about what was waiting for me around future’s corner right out of my mind. And when my son’s 6-year old play date commented that our home smelled like his grandfather’s car, I stopped what I was doing and savored his innocence rather than panic that our house smelled like a cigar joint.

I probably went overboard at my first attempt to immerse myself in life’s everyday moments—when I began naming the dust bunnies in our kitchen I realized I had gone too far. Most days my mindset will still be crazed and usually one step ahead of where I am presently standing, but if I can try to be more present during those “dressing room” instances with my daughter and the rest of my family then I will certainly be living more in the motherhood moment—and I think every child deserves at least that.