Saturday, March 13, 2010

Mama and Her Panties

Ahh! Spring is in the air and what better way to celebrate this fresh new season than to spiffy up my wardrobe of undergarments? I realized how necessary this was this morning when I opened my underwear drawer and couldn’t tell if I the contents held my undies or our dishrags. “That’s it!” I shuddered. Every woman deserves to know that the apparel covering up her crack isn’t going to be confused for a housekeeping item—it’s time to go shopping!

As an active mom of eight, I sheepishly debate between sliding into Wal-mart where I can casually tuck a few packages of Hanes Her Way into my cart or really throw caution to the wind and rush to the Mall where a real lingerie department carrying more than a one-crotch- fits- all line, in colors other than puce and taupe, awaits me! Is there really any question? The mall it is!

I arrived without incident where the smell of heavenly grease quickly wafted by—ummm, must be fried dough I quivered as I headed past the food court to the escalator (can’t ride one of those in Wal-Mart).

“Excuse me Madame,” said this very sultry giraffe (I’m sorry, but she was tall!) in the intimidating cosmetic department. “You look like you could use a makeover!” Wonder what tipped her off first, the fact that I was using concealer to cover up my roots or the red Sharpie I used as my lip liner?

“Sorry, but I’m on my way upstairs to shop,” I nodded towards the escalator. “Oh, new panties for you today?” Panties? Who the heck with eight kids wears panties? If I walk out of here with those today I could end up with nine kids!

I’m left with no choice--think I’ll go have that dough -boy and then head over to Wal-mart!

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